


I Want More Time to Love You.

by Emaisnialleraf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky under cryo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hydra (Marvel), M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Someone uses the phone, T'challa mentioned - Freeform, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:46:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26049748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emaisnialleraf/pseuds/Emaisnialleraf
Summary: "I'm not coming home."
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52





	I Want More Time to Love You.

The drops of rain against the window were all he could focus on. Each beat against the glass heavy and harsh as he watched the clouds above swirl into a storm. The lightning had long formed above him in the sky and despite the warmth inside his penthouse, all he felt was ice inside his soul. Nothing felt complete anymore and he felt he had no purpose, not without the man who made everything worth it. He knew they were in love, yet he couldn’t help but feel maybe the soldier never felt the same way about him.  
It had been fourteen months and eleven days since he was left in that bunker and he still can’t come to terms that he was left behind. He knew that Barnes was his best friend, he even considered the man to be one of his first lovers, however Steve had always promised that Tony was his always and the man had believed him. He had believed him so much that he had proposed at that stupid park in Brooklyn, the one Steve had loved more than anything, and they promised to be together until they physically couldn’t be anymore. He had held him, been held by him, and felt like nothing in his life would ever come close to how fulfilled he felt in those moments.  
Yet here he was, lying against a chair, lying his face on the cold glass of the window, and letting himself focus on nothing by the dark skies until any other thought evaporated back into his head. It wasn’t working, but eventually it would. 

That was until he heard an unfamiliar buzz.  
At first he shot up in confusion, looking around the room with intent on finding out what the hell that sound could be. Getting up from the chair he followed it, stepping into his room and immediately coming to a halt. He stared at his bedside table, eyes widening as he took a step backward and refused to move. That sound could only be one thing and it made his blood still, his feet melt into the floor, and his heart beat a thousand times faster.  
So he waited until it stopped. 

But it rang again. 

This time he felt anger, eyebrows burrowing in betrayal as he finally gained back his movement. He stormed over to the dresser, throwing open the drawer and harshly wrenching the phone from its place. The furniture shook under the pressure and he flipped open the device just as it came to the side of his unkempt face.  
“I thought I was supposed to call you? Or is this some kind of late night call because you need something from me?”  
There was only silence on the other end, making him angrier at first. He pulled the phone away, looking at the number and watching the time tick further ahead.  
“Hello?”  
His hands began trembling anxiously, patience thin until he heard movement and a small timid voice grew from the other end.  
“Tony.”  
The sound was so familiar, or it should have been, but Tony knew the man like the back of his hand. He could tell something was off, but it wasn’t his job to take care of things anymore. This man wasn’t his to love through sickness and health, to love and to hold until the end. This was the man who left him behind and chose someone else.  
He wanted to tell him that, to scream and shout and act like a child. He was itching to shout and scream everything he never got to say all those months ago to make himself feel better, because this was a situation he had only thought about since receiving this phone. Yet, actually being here in this moment, he didn’t know what to do.  
“Tony-”  
“What do you want?”  
“I just-” there was a bit of silence, drawing out for almost too long before he began to speak again, “I just wanted to hear your voice.”  
“Turn on the news. I’m actually in a huge scandal right now-”  
“No- I needed to hear you. Things have gotten out of control and I just needed to hear your voice.”  
It normally would have broken his heart, but he didn’t have the right. Crawling back because he was lonely? No.  
“Why me? I’m sure you and Barnes are having a blast together, wherever you are nowadays.”  
The pause was quick before a soft sigh broke the silence.  
“Buck put himself back in the ice.”

The shock shut him up.  
He for once had no response, staring at his bed with wide eyes before he fell to sit on it.  
“When?”  
“The day after Siberia. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else. So he’s in cryo.”  
“So who have you been with? Sam?”  
“Sam and Clint took a plea deal, they’re home. Nat.. I am not sure where she is.”  
He knew. Natasha went deep undercover, shield, or what it used to be, couldn’t afford to lose her. They needed her intelligence so she was quickly welcomed back easily enough. If she wouldn’t have signed they probably would have had a harder time.  
“Are you alone then?”  
Steve hated being alone.  
“I was with T’challa for a week after Buck went under. That’s where he is.”

Wakanda. 

It made sense, but it didn’t hurt him any less. 

“Why are you telling me this?”  
“Because I want you to go there.”  
He couldn’t hold back his scoff, wanting at that point to throw the phone and walk off laughing back to his pity party at the window. Why would he go back to Wakanda? Why would Steve expect him not to go there and kill the bastard?  
“I know you don’t blame him, Tony. I know you and I know you thought it through. As much as you want to hate him you can’t-”  
“What the fuck do you want me to do, Steve? Give him a home in my tower? Give him money and set him up with a new life? He’s a criminal!”  
“I need you to go there and wake him up, I want you to be the one to-”  
The phone shifted, the other end going silent for a second before the voice came back. The tone was quieter, shakier and on the verge of tears. He seemed like he had given up and Tony wanted to be happy, but the words had him frozen where he sat.  
“What?”  
“I want you to help him, Tony. I want you to get those words out of his head, to help him live because he never asked for this! I dropped him, that's on me, but he deserves a life and he deserves to be happy!”  
“You have some fucking nerve calling me!”  
“Tony-”  
“I don’t owe him anything! I don’t owe you anything- you left me in that bunker and now you are calling me on a phone you gave me to ask for help? Screw you. No- screw all of you. I would rather-”  
“Tony!”  
The sound of a cry leaked through the phone, silencing him quickly as the blonde cut him off.  
“Please. I am begging you- you are the only one I trust to help him.”  
“And why can’t you?”  
“Because I’m not making it out of here.”  
His hand tightened on the phone. 

What did he mean?  
What was he talking about?

“Out of where? What's going on?”  
“I love you, Tony. I love you more than I thought I could love someone. You mean everything to me and I hate that I can’t hold you. I hate that I left you there and that I’ll never be able to see your face again. You are the only person who can change things, who can make a difference and that's why I need you to get Buck. You need to be the one to tell him that i’m dead.”

His blood ran cold, heart stopping as he almost lost his grip on the phone. He tried to speak, but opening his lips he didn’t know what to say. His soul had left his body and so did his ability to speak. 

“I’m not coming home.”  
The words fell into a sob, breaking him from his spell as he forced himself up from the bed. He needed to track this call. This was some sick joke, he must have been somewhere in the US. Was he giving himself up? Did Ross find him? Is he trying to get something out of this phone call other than a hello?  
Is he trying to fake his death for a mission?

“Tell me what the fuck is going on. Now.”  
The cries brought a tear from his own, trickling down his face with a few more starting to trail after.  
“When you go to Buck I left letters just outside of the border. I texted T’challa the coordinates before I called you. I want you to know I wrote everyday for you-”  
“This isn’t funny! Tell me where you are!”  
“-I wish we had more time. I wish I could go back, but he is just like you, Tony. Buck is such a good person, he’s more than Hydra made him to be. He can make a difference, I know he can and after this he’ll need someone like you to help him.”  
“Steve, please!”

He slammed the door to his workshop open painfully hard, hearing the shatter of it against the wall as he shoved his chair out of the way. The phone shouldn’t be hard to track, Steve never understood technology and he tried to keep the man on the line as long as he could.  
“I love you so much. I wanted to come home, but by the time I made up my mind it was too late. I don’t want you coming here. I don’t want you finding me..”  
He continued to slam his fingers against the keyboard, typing until the map crushed his lungs inside his chest. The marking of Steve’s location dropped him to the ground, eyes pouring a flood of tears down his cheeks as the first sob suffocated him.  
“I am so sorry for everything. For what I put you through. You are everything to me and I don’t want you to forget me- okay? Promise me-”  
The line cut.

The line cut. 

He stared at the phone in shock, vision blurred as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. His head twisted in denial, finger shaking as it hovered over the call button. By the time he forced himself to call back it went straight to voicemail and the hand on his should tried capturing his attention. 

Rhodey held him as he cried. 

He held Bucky as he cried.

Steve's body was never found.


End file.
